Cats & Dogs
Got this in the mail today and thought it was cute.
How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb
1. Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler:
Make me.
5. Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!
Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd:
I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb.
10. Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua:
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
12. Pointer:
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
13. Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?
14. New Zealand Sheep Dog:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
15. Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer:
"Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.
What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats
We had about a hundred cats while we were growing up, and a half a dozen dogs. Then there were the neighbors' pets... and the goat. I know critters well.
Oh, I also had three sisters, many aunts, several girlfriends, one mother... I know women too. I don't think I need to enumerate my experiences with men.
