Probligo has a comment for Omni's post that I feel rates more consideration.

Probligo. Omni's post.

Al, 'tis a pity that Omni does not allow comment. Not that I would want to lecture on mothering - there is no way that I have the qualifications for THAT! But I do have - as have you - some experience with fathering and I reckon that to be as important as mothering.

If there were comments allowed - and I hope that Omni comes past and reads this because I think it important - there is one small aspect of her treatise with which I might take issue.

The single most important skill to make sure your kids possess is the ability to fit in; knowing how to figure out what the "rules" are of whatever group they find themselves in and adhere to enough of them to be seen as "one of us." That goes x10 if your kid's an oddball like I was, because every little difference between them and the other kids is a strike against them that they have to overcome if they're going to have a shot at being well-liked with lots of friends, rather than ostracized and missing out on gaining crucial social skills... and social skills are the key to getting ahead in the work world and attracting a quality mate as well as to having lots of buddies.

Now I am not going to totally disagree with the thrust of what Omni is saying - but there is a most important fact that must predicate her idea.

So, rather than saying that "the ability to fit in" is the most important I am going to rank it second.

Ahead of it as a principle I would put my number one - and it is not something you "teach" as such, it is a case of allowing your kids to "grow into" it. "Allowing" requires guidance so there is a need for parents to set parameters in terms of acceptabile and appropriate alternatives.

That number one principle would have to be -

KNOW THE PERSON THAT YOU WANT TO BE. KNOW HOW TO MAKE THAT PERSON EVERYTHING THAT YOU MIGHT WANT IN THE FUTURE. KNOW THE GOALS THAT YOU CAN ACHIEVE.

BY THAT MEANS YOU CAN BE YOURSELF, AND NOT WHAT SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT WANT OR EXPECT YOU TO BE."

So, you can see that might be diametrically opposed to what Omni is suggesting, but it need not be so.

If your child knows their "own self" then they will select peers who reflect their own needs and interests rather than "hanging out with the 'in' crowd because they are cool".

It also requires parents (and I found this very hard) to guide (not teach) their kids in developing their social skills. Relying upon "peer society" to do it for you I would think to have problems for the future...
probligo |