Saturday, October 11, 2003

Hah! The wife's out of town with the kid!

So what's the first thing I do? I head to the liquor store!

I bought a twelve pack of O'Doul's. Hey! I like the stuff. Listen, I gained 50 lbs. drinkin' the real stuff over the past several years. In the last two months, I'm drinkin' almost a six pack a day of O'Doul's and I've lost 20. Or 25 if hitting 270 wasn't just a fluky reading one day.
That right there is a huge motivator to me to stay sober.

And O'Doul's is like sour pop. I like it better than any sweet stuff. I tried LaBatt's Nordic the other day. It's good, but not enough...I don't think it's better. Certainly not for the price. Doesn't anybody sell this stuff by the case though?

Just to wallow in sin while the wife is out I stopped at the video store looking for dirty movies. There weren't any. What's this world coming too? They had a buy-two-get-one-free deal on used video tapes, so I grabbed Gods and Generals for $9.99, Blood Work for $7.99 and the freebie, worth every penny, was Buying the Cow. It promised an R rating for nudity, language and sexual situations. Man, what they can get away with claiming. This guy's supposed to be living it up for two months while his girlfriend, who has given him The Ultimatum, takes a job assignment to New York City so he can think about whether he wants to live without her. They go to a so-called strip club... I've seen more nudity at Lake Calhoun. The only one who gets naked is this knucklehead who gets tricked into thinking he spent the night with a gay guy.
Basically, the movie is a masculinized chick flick. But it is funny. It's kind of understated. Like a long, but pretty good sit-com. I didn't think there was anything wrong with the acting or anything.

But I still wanted to practice vice. So I went to the tobacco store and bought a can o' snoose. I had a pretty good idea how that would work out for me. I've actually bought four cans now since I quit 6 years ago. I nearly threw up twice and actually threw up the other two times. How the hell did I ever get that monkey on my back in the first place? Let me release a secret to the world: tobacco--chewed anyway--is a strong laxative. Not to mention an emetic. Shit cleans you out!

Oh, I didn't throw up this time. I took a pretty small dip. Got the buzz I wanted though, and cleaned out the desire for anything more serious. Except bloggers' high.

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