Friday, May 22, 2009

Maybe I'll get away with this if I just put filler in the title.

It probably shouldn't be too entertaining filler, though.

Here's my question: how do I stop my wife from being a screechy, bullying, nagging nutjob shrew? See, I figure the problem is that there is no God.

When I asked my mother about it, damn near 20 years ago, she said, "Well, she's a teacher and she's had a hard day..."

Bullshit! Mom, you didn't behave that way. What the f*** position do you expect me to occupy in this world?! Well, whatever it was, I sure as f*** haven't! Unless you expected me to SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!!

There. That's what my mother did to me. And, by the way, nobody's asked her for any advice since, I'll tell you that. When it was offered it's been ignored.

Pretty G--D--- funny that one of the strongest fundamentalists Christians I ever met (that's Mom) didn't tell me that I'm the man of my house and I've got to lay down the law! It wouldn't have worked, but that's what the Bible says.


Starsplash said...

Holy Crap! I bet she is sorry she wanted you to quit drrrinking.

Al said...

Drinking was a big help. The kids don't have that option, though.

Starsplash said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Starsplash said...

They say you marry someone like your mom. I tried to avoid that but kept marrying someone like my mom or rather I would go numb to them after they started showing traits like mom.
I call it the bleah syndrom. The wi-man just called me something else cause from them on I was trying to get away from them.
I have since decided I get along with we-man as long as I don't have much to do with them long term out side of work that is.

And I believe you are right, all this has something to do with our up bringing.

Don't get me wrong, I sometimes want a drink.

It is like some kind of fn curse.

Last time I checked my dk didn't have one cognicent neuron.

Al said...

Ron, I remember the things you've said about things Mom did before I really was old enough to remember (or before I was born). I also remember how she treated...uh, the middle girl. I don't know if you saw any of that, but Ma was inexplicably nasty to her and the poor girl was just broken-hearted that Ma made no effort whatsoever to try to understand her.

It was kind of a joke, before, about the drinking. I think I drank to make the hardest passive/aggressive slap I could make at my wife. I quit when she caught me. That's not supposed to work. One thing I wanted was for her to take an interest in what's going on around here and maybe actually understand what's going on in people's minds instead of flying off the handle based on some hallucination about our motives. I mean by hallucination, an idea without foundation - she doesn't ask why you did something; she just flies off the handle about how somebody close to her (me, one or the other of the girls, the boys and her parents) is "always" f***in' with her.

Starsplash said...

Ok I have been the brunt of delusional wyning-men all my life.
so I really understand and empathsize with you.

I have been called a hole lot of names because my wives didn't get the idea that I was a guy and no matter what I would be different.

I do not have the capability to just shut my ears to them like I should. Like the men of the old days. Like dad did to mom. He just gave her a lot of fake nods and really fake "oh boy that somthin".

I don't know if you caught that. He never said anything about it and at the end of his life we all called him graceful but I think he was miserable.

Somehwere after he got to be about 50-55 Mom gave up trying to change dad thats when he got happy and amazingly she got happy.

If your wife gets that part right, the part about not trying to make you into something that she actually would probably despise only she doesn't know it.
Been there with 3 previous wives.

I believe subconsciously women want men to rule them. Don't ask me how it should be done. I am obviously a failure at it though I by God have apparently been able to do it with my 4th wife because here we still are.

Your wife is controling you though by constantly berating you and your children.

A clue amongst many that she had been victimized probably in her youth. I could be wrong about that but aslo bipolarism seems to follow along with victims. Does your wife take happy pills?

Does she have panic attacks?
Does she have low self esteem?
Does she blame at the drop of a hat?
Is she clastophobic?

All of these things and more come into play here.

In this case you have gotta find that lever. The thing that will pry her away from taking it out ou you and your kids.

My was letting Karen fail catastrophically and then (egads) throwng it in her face constantly coupled with her going to get therapy. Also brow beating her into admitting to the therapist what the hell happened to her.

It has been seven years of hell but she is coming around now(I should be thanking God).

I don't Know what you can do but maybe this will help.

One thing for sure you can show her by action that you still love her somehow.

You have to know what she appreciates. Unconditional I call them surtcees. Spur of the moment things like a pop for Karen or a candy bar of all things. Sharing something of yours that you know she also likes could help take the edge of of her. Make her feel not quite so against the world all alone which in her case at this time because of her behavior may be true.

Tef said...

There where the problem with marriage begins:

Man marry, hoping that woman will never change; woman marry, hoping to man will change.

Al said...

I think you're both dead on. Women are taught by their magazines (and everyone who reads them) to think of men as broken women. "Ooh! I can fix this one up." Btw, I am expressing my feelings about the worst of all this, because I believe it's necessary to do that. I've been stuffing them way too long.

Starsplash said...

I think that women are coming around to the idea that men are men and women are women.
The two work together in a marriage to make both lives better.
For some danmed reason women are litteraly killing their men by trying to force them to be something else.
It has been a confusion to men. The women seem to be quite well aware of what they are doing but the men only suspect cause the women continually deny that that is what they are doing.
Funny that the women don't marry a faggity guy to begin with. They are initially attracted to the strong silent type. He men stuff. They get all messed up when they actually turn out to be the strong silent type.

God we men are a missreable lot.