What was it Hemingway said?

When you get writers block, just sit down and write the truest thing you can think of. Something like that.

Last Wednesday I went to a Secular Organizations for Sobriety meeting. The internet misinformed me about their start time, so I got there after the festivities were over. So we just introduced ourselves and I listened to them talk about the local drugstores and boating on the Mississippi.

It was worth it. They seem like a helluva group of guys. I'll be going back tomorrow.

I just kind of lost patience with the Christian bias of AA. I love the people there - they're loving, caring and wise - but I don't agree with them on a couple of fundamental points. 1. I don't believe in the supernatural, and 2. I don't believe in selflessness.

Well, I suppose I'd better come clean.

I've got two problems, one of which is that the computer is bogged down to the point that I can't download any emails to my Outlook account. I'd be happy to take any suggestions to fix that problem. When I go online these days that's what I'm trying to fix and I get depressed because I can't to anything.

I'm thinking I have a bug that my bug-zapper can't see. But then my back up drive is absolutely jam-packed as well, so maybe it just means that I need to wipe her clean and start over.

But, more importantly, there is an another problem.

If you know anything about 12-step meetings, you would have noticed signs that I haven't been going to any for about a year. If you don't know anything about them, you might have noticed that my posts have become less frequent, and that some of them have been a bit odd.

For those who weren't aware of it, I am an alcoholic. I have been on a binge for... oh, 5 months. I'm an early stage alcoholic: I only destroy my loved-ones trust in me about once a quarter. Most of the time it's safe for me to drink nightly.

But, as Dr. Laura once said, memorably (in another context), "He's not murdering people all the time!"

All right, I haven't murdered anybody (yet--I wish that were funny), but I have done some things, under the influence that I'm still not willing to admit here. I know I've hurt my wife's feelings terribly, and I'm afraid I've given my daughter the impression that "High Gravity , Ice-Brewed Lager" drunk in pints and quarts [don't ignore the importance of the distinction between conjunction vs disjunction in Logic], is harmless. I'll have a couple right in front of her, and there is no obvious effect before she goes to bed at 9:00.

It hits after that, and the target is pretty random. Generally, I'm a pretty loving drunk. How could that be a problem? See the previous sentence.

The good news is, that I am the world's most incompetent flirt, drunk or sober. God knows how I ever landed my wife.

I'd rather be a Lover than a Fighter, but my life history places me firmly in the latter category rather than the former. I think that sucks.