The stock market's taken a major bump today.

What's in the wind that I'm missing?

I got a Wall Street Journal right behind me. Think they're still trading on that news?

Elation over the Microsoft fine? Schadenfreude is a mental illness. That's pronounced "shoddenfroida".

Ah! By Occam's Razor! Here it is: "Corporate profits rose 29% as the U.S. economy grew an unrevised 4.1% in the fourth quarter. Existing-home sales remained strong in February."

Sadly, you gotta pay up to find out more. Damn capitalists anyway. That's against the Spirit of the Internet.